Friday, January 30, 2015

#70 Coming Clean About My Tween.

My daughter turns 12 next month. She is in 6th grade and now attends a public middle school in NYC. She commutes by a MTA bus 20 blocks there and back and she is making new friends. She is also becoming tweenie which means exactly what you  think: whiny, mood swings, quick ironic wit which surpasses her parents, stalemates, impasses, oily hair and a ton of new skills reflecting independence and maturity which make me incredibly proud and hopeful that she will develop into a pretty substantial adult. This growth is like everyone tells you: the lead foot is on the gas pedal and she is growing fast in every way. Before my eyes she is growing. I think I saw her foot grow tonight. I mean it. It expanded before my eyes.

She makes good choices. She also messes up and doesn’t remember to log in her tuba practice time on the school website which might mess up her GPA (I know, really?!) but she’s on top of it.
For now.

She is having a sleepover with a new friend, right now. A new girl who is kind of great and different from her other friends. She has a different look and style. Without going into details, which might inaccurately describe her, just imagine that she probably has to deal with some interesting stuff as she gets older because she stands out a bit. I like that they click and are becoming good friends. They are tweenie friends, hovering around a YouTube music video and I can't decide how to gauge the fuzzy inappropriate line. Do I monitor (helicopter)? Intrude? Joke with an awkward embarrassing twerking move which they will ignore? I am not cool. Before you yawn and turn the page because you’ve heard all this predictable whiny parent “oh, what happened to my little baby?” junk, I think I might have something to say here. (OMG they are singing in the other room with the door closed. SO cute. Sorry.)

Tonight, when my kid hit a wall of exhaustion she picked up a book and sat quietly on her zebra print bean bag chair. Her new friend looked a little lost and I didn’t want to get involved, because tweenies hate that. But like kids do, they figured it out. Both sat separately and read and before I knew it they were imitating the “new” Miley Cyrus getting crushed by an imaginary wrecking ball which I thought was clever. And disturbing.

When I hear parents weep into their oatmeal facing empty nest syndrome I roll my eyes because I judge them for not having enough of a life of their own. I know that’s brutal and terrible, but what is the big deal? Obviously, I’m the fucked up one in the room, but that’s another story.  So, my point is this: I’ve started becoming a bit tweenie myself. I’m going though my own little oily hair, cursing in front of elderly people, watching YouTube videos of tattooed nether-droid beings who are producing sounds and movements which make NO sense. I am becoming a cultural wasteland on my iPhone and Twitter feed.  However, in this depressive state I notice that I am drinking a lot less wine during the week.

Are you still with me? There is no tidy ending here. I’m lost. I am crying in my oatmeal and laughing at jokes which pop into my head that amuse no one but me. I’m a total tween so leave me alone.






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