Wednesday, June 25, 2014

#46 City Of Brotherly Love and More Bad Parenting

Perched on top of that beautiful building, William Penn is presiding over the City and the view must be fabulous.

She loses many games of chess at the Philadelphia Open. I fall to pieces like a broken wine glass.  I was not expecting all the losses. She meets us at the bar after I had 2 premature celebratory drinks when I believed I had it all under control, and that a game is a game. I was certain she would win and if not, one can always play another round and have another chance. Tournaments confine the boundaries of this free thinking approach and stifle the parent of the player by placing fiercely false expectations on a child who really just likes to play a game. Something impossibly difficult for this parent to believe, not because I don’t enjoy games, I do. I just do not understand the stakes at this level of competition without it collapsing into one-dimensional space. It is all about winning and losing and her rating rapidly dropping way below sea level. Gravity, air, life, joy are all sucked out of any fun with much more pressure than one of those pumps that pull air out of wine bottles when only half is drunk and the wine is decent so it’s worth preserving for another day.  No, the vacuum pressure pulls all the life force out of the experience until it is turned inside out. Multiple times, so it has no ability to be recognized after 2 seconds. Imagine all the pink and bloody innards turned outside and that is what one sees. Heart beating, stomach churning, brain pulsating. All of it whipped inside out. Wow.
Then there is this desire to throw up. Throwing up would be a really great stress reliever and distraction.  No such luck.

Remember, all of this is for nothing significant at all. It is anxiety just for the sake of anxiety. To feel something, rather than nothing. To make a mountain out of a mole hill. It is like watching a train wreck except I am the train and I am wrecking. And there was no accident.

NOTHING.
No one died.

So, me and my 2 drinks decide to leave. I take a walk in the opposite direction, west. It is dark. Walnut Street, or Chestnut. I love Philadelphia. I start to wonder, as I text furiously that I will not go crazy and find them again, if that is true. I suddenly realize that Philadelphia holds some serious Olde Baggage for me. Is it any coincidence that I am irrationally melting down in the City of Brotherly Love? I will not make excuses, I will tell the truth. It has to do with mourning. Love that existed and vanished. I am 12 years into my marriage and just STARTING to realize what love really is. To be linked to Ye Olde Love in Philadelphia with the Declaration of Independence, Liberty Bell, Founding Fathers, Carpenter’s Hall, grand old brick buildings and majestic architecture where we traipsed through cemeteries in the magic first falling snow and curled under covers and waited to fall asleep never to awaken from this dream. The dream that holds us together though the years, the distance and the fantasy of something which supposedly existed so many years ago. It all holds court in that shattered moment of losing the Game. Something that felt so idealized and alive was never there. A myth, fantasy, dream. Empty and pathetically leading me by the nose for years.  Some bizarre oedipal recreation tripping over me.
Such a wonderful memory? Not really.  In this moment, not at all.

Right then and there, I walked under the Moonstone Daycare Center sign, swaying above me in the wind. I worked there with Sandy and the kids: Me, Monica, and all those kids who are in their late 30’s by now: Marcel, Elizabeth, Amanda, Austin. They are all grown up and here I am, just a little child dreaming a childish romantic nightmare in which I am having the delusion of slowly and painfully waking up from. 

I walk east and find them. The cobblestones and landmarks which traced our Olde connection surround me. Gobble me up and grip me like a vice.

They are waiting for me at the restaurant. I order another drink and pout. My child says, “I Love you, Mommy” in that way which means I am pathetic and I am gushing guilt all over the table and floor like a bludgeoned bloody irresponsible Jewish Mother. The one I swore I’d never turn into, but here I am, buying dinner, drinks, flowers and saying “I’m Sorry” one million times. It makes no difference now. We have to wait it out and assess the damage later because She is not Me. SHE is She.  Thank goodness.
And I am not her.
Really.

After dinner I turn it around and I drag her all the way to South Street. We walk and walk and walk. Garland of Letters has not moved an inch in a thousand years. We play with the multiple wind chimes and they are still magical. The incense and patchouli are still there. The new age music is still playing. The Goddess statues and dozens and dozens of crystals and stones are still there. It is all still there, but that Corner Bookstore is not -with the rickety metal shelves and torn gray carpet. Sitting on the floor between the stacks looking at giant art books. There is a new tattoo/piercing place and I pretend to drag her upstairs so we can get matching mother and daughter tattoos. A group of teens standing outside laugh at silly me.

I am putting on a little show.

She likes this silly me and insists on interlocking arms. We head East.

Retracing the Olde path through Society Hill and there is the large bronze Bird with hovering wings slumped over itself. So funny, and still there, across from a bronze woman and man. Balancing out their loneliness with weighted wings and a floppy beak. Like an awkward metal muppet character too heavy to lift off.  Standing on the one- step- up brick stage. They can be touched and held and rubbed.

We walk on and gaze at the lights of the Ben Franklin Bridge and the winding sidewalk near the Ritz Movie Theater where Olde and I saw ‘She’s Gotta Have It’ and ‘Stranger Than Paradise’. Ha!

We held twisted hands in twisted dreamland.

The New Wave restaurant where I went out on a date with some cute other guy, when Olde and I broke up. I had my first beer, which stunk.  I was cool like the cool décor resembling the set of Pee Wee’s Playhouse in the cobblestoned square. Now a Seafood Den, or something.

My kid sits on the wall to rest her feet. They dangle like a game. This wall Olde and I sat on and ate up the same sky with some strange young hungry love. Then we kept walking and I realized that this was never ever really going to leave: this abstract memory of something better, more, passionate and crazy. Where is Olde now? I don’t even care because he no longer exists.

He is dead.

Then Ye Olde Child inside of me shattered into pieces , once again, when I looked at her smile. That child me and Olde and that Time… and then for moment, a second, a lie, we turn the corner and head West with our shadows ahead of us and the Olde street lamps shining from behind.




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