When you first arrive your mom has those Wonder Woman deflector cuffs which cast emotions away like a flash of lightning. Zing zing zing! "Wow", you think, "that is truly impressive!"All those years you didn't realize how strong she really was, at least not regarding the strength and accuracy of deflecting. The blender is out and the smoothie isn't really smooth quite yet because what is tossed into the blender before you activate the pulse button is sharp shard-like chips of broken glass. They are fairly small and you cannot see them unless the light hits them in just the right way and they glimmer like diamonds. Don't worry, they will blend in so well you won't have to worry about cutting the interior of your mouth or digestive tract. Where do they come from? Un-labeled leftovers in the fridge. These can be added to the smoothie.
You can also add frozen blueberries, mango, pineapple and a fresh banana. These are labelled with dates so you know how long they have been in the freezer. You can also add orange juice and vodka and call it a Hillsboro Hurricane. Everyone loves it.
What will bleed, just a tiny bit, is your heart. There won't be any traces of blood, so no need to worry about staining the white tile floor. Why will your heart bleed? Because the anxiety level is extreme and because of the Wonder Woman deflection maneuver you'll never quite catch the exact moment the stealth anxiety makes its appearance. However, when it does you'll know because the hurricane windows will rattle and the pelicans flying by will stare at you! They are dinosaurs and you will want to grab one and take it home with you to show all your friends.
She takes her naps sitting up. Her head is tilted back and her mouth is open. She looks very vulnerable and you are glad she is resting, or refueling, for the next Wonder Woman trick. That's how you know she still works and this is good because you do not want her to stop working.
Having Wonder Woman for a mom is not easy. She protects you (and everyone else) and you can get really dependent on that. It's hard being 54-years-old thinking you still need Wonder Woman around to protect you. Especially because everyone (yes, EVERYONE) thinks she is a cartoon character. You know she isn't because once in a while you have really serious, nuanced emotional conversations and she tells it like it is without having to employ the deflector cuffs at all. That is more super-heroine-like than anything else she does. It's times like this you know its cool she's your mom, even if there is glass in the smoothie.
Who else returns an entire purchase to the men's department and has it rung up again to use the 20% discount coupon at Macy's to save an additional $14.00?
No one else. It's the one and only Wonder Woman.
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