#53 Ten Years Of My Life, Using Three Word Sentences (Age 30-40).

Painting large paintings.  Painted tiny paintings. Wallpaper flowery collages. Great Soho studio.  Met cool people. Mourned a relationship. Lasted many years. Ended in sorrow. Killed with pain. Loved the studio. Enjoying the space. Attacking the surfaces. Needed great attention. Felt largely ignored. Confused about creativity.  Made great friend. She moved away.  Felt betrayed first. I was incorrect. Great friendships endure. Even with marriage. Deceived by distance. Worked corporate office.  Learned about textiles. Enjoyed quality furniture. Never cared before. Too much money.  Quality does count. Living downtown alone. Needing to search. Crazy for love. Longing for companionship. Entertaining two cats. Lived with me. Many, many years. Was I cruel? One cat died. Having great times. Travelling the west.  Communing with nature. Dating several men. Sleeping around some.  Hated dating scene. Had first hangover. Had last hangover.  Tequila, vodka headache. Never threw up. Slept with someone. One ugly penis. His bad complexion. He used me. I used him! Needed a break. Flew to Denver. Drove over Rockies. Treacherous, slick roadways. Tiny weak car. Drove too much. Got too tired. Felt great excitement . Discovered red rocks. Amazed by landscape. Never thought possible. Drove through Moab. Enjoyed Monument Valley. Valley of the Gods. Goose Neck view. Stood Four Corners. Needles Overlook canyon. Inspired many paintings. Listened to Enya. Driving down switchbacks. Panic and fear. Proud of accomplishment. Followed the map. Hiking in desert. Stopped abstract painting. Didn’t work out. Started grad school. Packed up paintings. Gave them away. Forgot about that. Moving toward future. Began psychoanalytic training . Finished it all. Started second training. Loved the work. Work at clinic. Worked with kids. Started private practice. Got first office. Hated crazy landlord. Learned to budget. Figured out friends.  Parents moved south. Cater waiter jobs. Back rooms  Met. Secret passages, MOMA. Set tables correctly. Served from left. Collect from right. Crushes gay men. Not sure why. Hate friends wedding. Felt I couldn’t. Didn’t understand why. Not sure how. East Village apartment. Had no closet. Lots of hair.  Lots of dust. Across from mosque.  Call to prayer. Two times daily.  Sick cow sound. Wish I understood. Never understood Ramadan. Rugs on street. 11^th and 1st.  Men kneeling east. Blocking the street. Near Tompkins Square. Visit Brooklyn friends. Some had babies. Some got married. Some got divorced. Some moved away. Some all above.  I felt strange. Biological time clock. Tick tick tick. Hated my period. What’s it for? Travelled to NE. Had a boyfriend. He didn’t click. I tried hard. Wished for magic. Never did work. Hard break up. On Nantucket pier.  Felt so dumb. Never spoke again. Mailed a box.  Stuff left behind. An Italian dish. Wish him well. Feared broken heart. Once again tangled. Not the case. I got lucky. Met nice person. Deserve this luck? Why so soon? He was desperate. So was I. We fit together. Got super lucky. A good egg. Move in together. He wanted kids. I was 40. So we tried. I got pregnant. I had baby. Love of life.  Things move fast. Tick tock tick. Never can  trust. The truth hurts. Anger rules all. No, fear does. Follows you around. Never passes fairly.  Life not fair. Waiting for death. Other shoe drops. Eventually finding out. No short cuts. Luck is lucky. Fear is temporary. Child grows fast. Contains lessons learned. To learn someday. Hidden in hair. Falls behind couch. Crawls under fridge. Eats away lining. Mites eating wool. Destroy all sweaters. Time for Bloomingdale’s. Waiting for sales. New white sheets.  High thread count. Don’t stain sheets. Red ruins white.