Once upon a time there was a
beautiful artichoke. It did not bother anyone and it was remarkable to look at.
It was the armadillo of vegetables. How
anyone would ever discover its edible potential given its hard armor is
incredible! To even think about methods to cook, prepare and eat it is truly unbelievable. It is in the realm of surreal and to crack the code (steaming
forever, peeling off its leaves and scraping each leaf individually against
teeth after dipping in melted butter) is the equivalent of discovering the
lunar and solar alignments at Machu Picchu, or deciphering the Mayan calendar or something
along those proportions. And if you can undo the spiny heart, carve and eat
without getting thorns stuck in your throat, you deserve a trophy or at the
very least, the secret to decipher the mysterious pictographs of Northern Arizona, specifically:
Canyon de Chelly.
Think about it, eating the artichoke
just does not make sense in any way. You need a Ph.D in Vegetable Antics to
dissemble it and eat it or else you could A) seriously cut yourself B)
choke on it (get it, artiCHOKE?) C) lose
all interest in consuming it because it is so interesting to look at and who
has time to crack the consumption code and eat something so complicated, properly?
The artichoke will never have to
concern itself with wearing a bathing suit. The look and fit of a tank suit or
a bikini would be weird and possibly humiliating. The artichoke, which typically has excellent self- esteem, would laugh at itself if it had an
objective view. The lumps and bumps would shatter its sense of composure and
decorum. The naked, skinny dipping artichoke is the natural way to go and there
are even beaches in the South of France with artichokes basking or roasting in
the sun giving them a whole new flavor profile. They even sit in vats of
sun-melted Beach-Butter to darken their skins and enhance their flavor. The
scent is irresistible and no others are allowed onto the beach zone of
artichokes except some other select vegetables. This location is top-secret information
and cannot be revealed in order to protect the vegetables.
However, now that you have an image
of the artichoke wearing a bathing suit in your mind let’s go one step further:
it is strolling along a pier in a tropical location. It is a beautiful warm,
sunny day and the artichoke wants to catch some rays. It strolls (the image for how it strolls is
completely up to you) to the end of the pier and is surrounded by blue water.
It lays out it’s beach towel and liberally applies butter all over itself, puts
on its sunglasses and reclines. What a gorgeous day!
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