#20 In Which Someone Hollers, "Love the Hat!"

The women all collect at Au Pain Quotidian at exactly the same moment.  They are an army of middle aged woman who treasure the time with their BFF’s, or almost ready to graduate to the rank of BFF, to have coffee and eat some nice healthy food while sitting at the wooden farm tables that help them momentarily escape the city and have a little French countryside in their lives.  Recently, I met a friend here who I ran into the proceeding week not far from this location, 83^rd and First.  It was funny that in the planning she recommended that we meet at Au Pain Quotidian, and I had to ask, "which one?" There are at least 3 in a 2-mile radius of the one she selected. This one is particularly small so the voices all going at once of the many women that surround us sound like a wonderful chicken coop of happiness. Cluck cluck cluck!!!

 

Alison, who sits across from me is delightful.  Basking in the excitement of our chance meeting the prior week: her exiting a shop near east 80th Street and me crossing First Ave. I spied her and her me, immediately.  Kismet.

“Hello!! Love the hat!!”

She always wears the most exquisite hats, jewelry and fun eyewear. Giant hug for this friend whom I have always liked so much and know that fate has intervened and joyfully reunited us.  We start to cluck away on the sidewalk like no time has passed since we have last seen each other. It is hard to pull away from each other, but we must. We promise to meet soon. And we do.

We take our seats and talk about a lot.  We start to gossip, something we are not quite sure is okay but she gives us permission to do what we truly want by tracing the perimeter of the table with her fingers.

“What we say doesn’t leave this table!”

I love this and make a mental note to remember it.

Gossip is something I feel uneasy about almost always. It is one of those grey areas of communication which can seal a bond, or destroy it for good. In the moment of spilling or dishing, in ways which are sometimes not kind or generous to others not present, it is freeing to be able to let loose and not worry that it will come back to haunt.  I know if someone I am with does it, and I do it, I, too, will likely be targeted by others as fodder for their gossip.  Motivated by envy or anger or just for the hell of it because some of us want to find a way to be honest about feelings and passing judgment which is sometimes mean and ungenerous. It isn't always like this, but sometimes it is.

Gossip often has the illusion of safety. 

It also can be dangerously fun.

We drift ahead, talking about our daughters. Smooth sailing.

In the pool a little girl cannot keep her hands off her mommy. She is winding her body around her like a strand of seaweed and driftwood in the ocean. Naturally fitting together and the waves pull them along this way and that with relaxed motion. Their hair swims into each other and tangles together on the surface.

Tender and close.

The little girl looks into her mother’s face and she isn’t looking into her eyes, she is looking at her own reflection in her mommy’s sunglasses. Each time mommy slightly moves her head so does her daughter to keep her gaze fixed on her own reflection.  

They stay interlocked all afternoon.